I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
