I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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