He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
