I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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