I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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