Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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