my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
