U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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