According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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