HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
