Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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