when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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