when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
