it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
