Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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