don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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