so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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