why didn't you poke me back
People in love make me want to vomit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found your dick twin last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
