I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
