You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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