What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
