hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
