I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Shame is for Republicans.
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