i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
