Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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