Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
