I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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