I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
