Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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