How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
