so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
