I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
