Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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