i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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