All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
