I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
