And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
