my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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