When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
