Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
