Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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