how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
