I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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