I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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