My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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