i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
