so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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