I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
