exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
