I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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