we have pet lesbian snakes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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