please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
