Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I smell stomach acid.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
