I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Someone signed my nipple.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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