I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
