i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
