So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
