Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
