: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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