I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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