it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
