I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
